Welcome to the iVillage Winter Olympics 2002, held in my living room, where it's nice and cosy and not out on some snow-covered mountain. Make yourself comfortable; hot chocolate is on tap and there are four cats who love to sit on laps. The first event is, of course, synchronised cocoa drinking. This is a fiercely competitive game with all contestants practising for, oh, minutes at a time. Marshmallows are an optional extra and will actually gain points for a team in the event of a tie. Marks are deducted for lack of chocolate moustache and skimmed milk is strictly not allowed. Contestants may use Cadbury's drinking chocolate, Cadbury's cocoa or Thornton's cocoa only. So, on your marks, lift those mugs!

Well, the British team did very well there, being well used to drinking cocoa. Though rumours have been spread that the team practised by drinking Horlicks. Tsk, tsk. Now we have the competitive duvet snuggling championship. As you may remember, the French team had an edge but were defeated in the semis by the Canadians. Winters in Canada are so cold that the team got in lots of snuggling practice. In fact, they were willing to snuggle with any other team members from any other competing nation. Now that's what we call real Olympic spirit!

Next up, we can guarantee some good competition with the four yards dash to the back door to take out the rubbish. Winter clothing is not allowed, so those teams will not want to be outside for longer than they have to be. The US team shine here; look at them run to the back door and back to the sofa in no time at all. Well done US!

Now, while we all catch our breath, the younger members of the competition will give us a marvellous display of tea tray sliding down the stairs. Those youngsters have been practising all Winter and driving their mothers mad. Look how gracefully they slide down the stairs and tumble about on the floor, knocking over Grandad and terrifying the dog. What a talented group of youngsters!

Everyone nice and rested? Good, now we have the gentlemen's drive clearing snow competition. Some folks have asked why the competition does not have women clearers. The answer to that is obvious: the women are all indoors in front of the fire where all sensible folks should be. The Germans and the Canadians are neck and neck in this event. Looks like we have a tie. (Someone go get some extra chocolate coins out of the box, thank you!)

Well, it is the last competition of this year's Winter Olympics: the snowball fight. This is the one every team trains hard for and to everyone's surprise, the Fijian team are doing very well. Apparently they imported snow to train with and the effort is paying off. They are this year's snowball champions.

As the sun sets over the chimney tops, it's goodbye from the iVillage Winter Olympics. We hope you enjoyed watching all those brave and talented competitors, from the comfort of the fireside. Come back next time when we will have competitive wassailing, marathon sweater-wearing and the most difficult competition of all, wrapping Christmas presents.